The Best Names in Baseball History

(http://www.bluejayway.ca/)

Baseball is as much about its tradition as it is about the sport. For generations, it has attracted the weirdest, and most typically baseball names. Why is this information useful? It’s not! But I’m going to write about it anyway! Actually, if you ever need to make a chant, or you don’t know who to draft in the last round of your fantasy draft, then it always helps to know some good baseball names. So, without further adieu, here is a list of some of the best Blue Jay, and non-Blue Jay names in the history of the game.

Toronto Blue Jays:
Unintimidating names

Phil Roof
Dennis Lamp
Bob File
Robert Person (these last 4 names are the least scary names…ever)
Lance Painter
Cliff Politte
Pedro Swann

Won’t fit on the back of the jersey names

Lee Gronkiewicz (this category should be named after him)
Mark Rzepczynski (probably the hardest name I’ve ever seen)

Intimidating names

Butch Edge (sounds pretty dangerous)
Tom Lawless
Ron and Jeff Musselman
Mark Bomback

Throwback names

Willie Upshaw
Hosken Powell
Mickey Klutts (Look me straight in the eye, and tell me this isn’t David Eckstein’s long lost father).
Doyle Alexander
Bud Black
Huck Flener
Tanyon Sturtze

Funny names

Mookie Wilson (makes a great chant)
Mauro Gozzo (is this guy asking for some gauze in another language?)
Howard Battle (Battle could have been intimidating, if it wasn’t accompanied by the least threatening first name ever)
Tim Crabtree
Tilson Brito
Ben van Ryn (points for uniqueness)
Homer Bush
Geronimo Berroa
Buck Coats
Marco Scutaro (MARCO???)
Alfredo Griffin
Candy Maldonado

Non-Blue Jays:
Unintimidating names

Taylor Teagarden (okay, we may have two things that are less threatening than lamp and roof)
Johnny Wockenfuss
Rocky Roquet (wasn’t this a name of a doll for girls?)

The Lee Gronkiewicz award

Tim Spooneybarger (played in a rock band called Mad Ink with A.J. Burnett in Florida)

Intimidating names

Antonio Bastardo and Alberto Bastardo (both are playing in the minor leagues right now, and no, they aren’t related, we think)

Throwback names

Lance Broadway
Catfish Hunter
Rollie Fingers
T.J. Beam
Baron Frost
Winter Polo (a personal favourite)
Houston Summers
Dusty Napoleon
Al Alburquerque
Zelous Wheeler

Funny names

Callix Crabbe
Rocky Cherry (an alcoholic beverage needs to be named after this guy)
Benito Beato (I get heartburn just thinking of this guy’s name)
Rowdy Hardy (I think he wrestled in the WWF in 1990)
Jetsy Extrano (I was going to put this in the throwback names category, but it sounds too futuristic)
Tobi Stoner (must have been friends with…)
Jung Bong
Kosuke Fukudome (If you went to a Cubs game, you’ll know why Cub fans hate the Rogers Centre)
Duane Below (LOOK OUT!)
Noochie Varner
Mayobanex Acosta
Sugar Ray Marimon
Mark Hamburger
Gonzalo Gonzalez
Pete Lacock (sorry, these last 4 had to be put in here somewhere)
Dick Cox
JJ Putz
Jorge Poo Tang

And…..the top 5 baseball names of all time

5. Rusty Kuntz (it’s pronounced koonts)
4. Wonderful Terrific Monds III (this was a college player who never made it to the big leagues. Extra points for being “the third.”)
3. Cirilo Cumberpatch (points for its absurdness)
2. Urban Shocker (enough said. You don’t mess with this guy)
1. Billy Jo Robidoux (Remember that Simpsons episode, where another Homer walked into Moe’s bar, and said it was Joey Jo-Jo Juniour Shabadoo? Well any name that sounds like that one has to be the best name in baseball history)